How To Know Who To Mary?

How Can I Know Who to Marry

Training To Get Married

by Janet Blair, Get Married This Year: 365 Days to "I Do"

Posted: 02/ 9/2012 11:25 am

If you want to marry the best possible person for you, start with being the absolute best you can be. The best guys are not looking for an adoptee. They are shopping for a good deal. If you have been thinking about making some personal changes, it's time to get started. Now is the time to make you, your attitude, happiness level, clothes, kids, friends, family, home, work, and work place what you want them to be.

The following guidelines will help you self-market. First, do your best to change whatever needs fixing. Second, whatever isn't fixable, don't let it show until the man you are interested in is interested in you. Every human on the planet has bad attributes as well as good and many of us have faced some major challenges along our life's journeys. Sometimes we have not dealt with those challenges well. The key is to not present those qualities or bad situations as the definition of who you are. If you tell someone that you are a problematic person or not worth their love right up front, they'll probably do you the courtesy of believing you.

START INSIDE OUT

Do what you need to do to achieve peace of mind.
Procrastination takes its toll psychologically. It keeps your mind cluttered and robs you of a sense of accomplishment. Do what needs to be done, take it off your list, or at least get started. Schedule time for personal, educational, and spiritual development and periods of R&R. Revel in the time that you provide for yourself and know that you are worth it. Change keeps you interesting and gives you draw. Harried is not sexy. Overwhelmed signals that you really don't have the space in your life to be a good partner. A relaxed attitude is attractive and also sends a clear and lovely message that you have time for a husband.

Pretend you deserve it.
If you feel unworthy of the trophy, accolade or diamond, pretend to be the person you want to be and they think you are. Fake it till you make it. Believe in your own worthiness now. Behaving as though you are deserving helps shape your future with the added benefit of making you more cheerful in the present. Again, people will believe who you tell them that you are.

Evaluate criticism. 
Determine if the critique fits you. If so, you have been given a gift. Make use of it by making changes that can only benefit you. If a criticism doesn't fit, there's a strong chance that your critics are describing themselves or their envious natures. Do not accept critiques from toxic sources. It is useless negativity. On the other hand, be grateful for words of advice from the healthy people who care about you being the best you can be.

THINGS TO DO AT HOME

Improve it.
It's your nest. In it you can do pretty much anything you want, so make it a place you want to be in -- for playing, praying, exercising, cooking, and relaxing. Fill it with wonderful aromas -- heat up some apple cider and cinnamon sticks and let it simmer. Play music sweet to your ears. Create comfortable spaces for yourself and guests.

Reduce clutter.
Give or throw away what you don't need or love and organize the rest. It's good for you, and depending on where you donate it, it might be tax deductible.

Compliment yourself.
Focus on what you do. Listening with interest qualifies, so does successfully driving home without bumps, dents, or finger gestures. Be aware of your large and small accomplishments and give yourself credit. Being less judgmental with yourself will make you easier on the people in your life as well. People who accept themselves are less likely to be judgmental toward others. This will help you draw positive people into your life.

Develop internal support.
You don't need permission to do things. Sometimes you can just announce your plans and goals to yourself and take action. No trial by jury or excessive approval needed for your every action -- this just slows you down in reaching goals.

Relax about relationships.
Not every relationship requires analysis. Don't fix what works. If there are problems, speak up and admit them. If they are immediately solvable or of true importance, come up with solutions. If not, emulate the Scarlett O'Hara school of crisis management and "think about it tomorrow," or drop it altogether. In happy relationships, at least one partner is good at differentiating little from big.

Turn off the phone.
Don't answer when you need uninterrupted time for yourself or for building intimacy and make time for intimacy a regular feature in your home. Date time should not be interrupted by cell phone calls from work, friends, family, etc.

THINGS TO DO OUTSIDE THE HOME

Your time is precious.
Reduce the amount of time you spend with people who believe happy people are unrealistic. They feed on the suspicion that happiness is unnatural. Happiness is an attainable state of mind. Collect people who agree with this concept and you are doubling your chances of maintaining it.

Divorce difficult friends.
Almost everybody is occasionally hard to handle and so are you. Leave behind the people who are hard all the time. They will hinder you in reaching your goal and in the future be a stress in your marriage.

BEATING THE BLUES

Laugh.
If you don't have a ready supply of humor in your life, buy some. Go to a comedy show, read amusing books, tapes, slogans, and posters. Then share what's funny with others. Laughter is infectious, lifting the spirit and clearing the mind.

Smile.
If you don't do this a lot, practice on small mammals and furniture. Add people you know. Proceed to people you don't know. The one and only exception? Life-threatening situations.

Turn down the volume.
Electronic media promotes negativity. Do stay current and informed, but select a news source that screens out gratuitous violence and keep noise level at 30 or below to decrease noise pollution in your home.

Limit your drug time.
Turn off the plug-in drug -- television. Books, music and physical activities are generally more uplifting and conducive to good sleep habits. Lower your intake level of alcohol and other simple carbohydrates. They are depressants. Water, vegetables, protein, and fruit combined with exercise do produce a cheerier you.

Reduce expectations. 
Double the time you give yourself (and others) for tasks. Forgive mistakes regularly and rapidly.

PUSH POSITIVE BUTTONS

Get perspective on depression.
Much of it is circumstantial. When the loved family pet dies, you've been cruelly rejected, or your best friend moves to Portland, sadness needs to be felt and experienced, not shoved into your emotional bottle. Unexpressed feeling lasts longer, can get worse, and may come out much later in ways you could regret.

Be revealing.
To those you feel you want to know better and who are capable of understanding, reveal yourself through stories of your childhood, teenage experiences, and current feelings. Answer honestly when caring people ask how you are or if they can help.

Use emotional intelligence with effective communication.
Which sentences are more effective: "When you yell, I can't listen because I get scared and defensive," or "I hate it when you treat me like this." "Would you help me" or You never help me." "Thank you for taking out the trash" or "It's about time you took out this mess." The first choices open connection. The second choices shut it down and doom you to getting less of what you are asking for in the future.

Practice imperfection.
Don't even try for perfection. Excellence is a great goal that you are less likely to achieve if you are attempting to be perfect. Choose some areas to just be adequate -- package wrapping, thank you notes, returning all calls, for example. Life is much more livable if you don't try to be good at everything. Set daily and weekly priorities and regularly ask yourself if you are currently doing what matters to you.

Ref: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/janet-blair-page/training-to-get-married-t_b_1265565.html?ref=weddings

Thazaang Laksalnak Tongkam

Na Hnatuanmi ah Na Thasia le thanau in na um pang le, a tanglam ih cahi siar aw, thazaang a lo petu ah a cang ding. Thazaang ka lak daan ka lo hlawm ve sihi.

1. Pathian hrangah ka tuahmi a si ti na thei maw? Cazoh le cazuam cu Pathian hrangah hnatuan ka thok rero zo a si ti thei aw. Fimthiamnak na neih asile Pathian in a lo hman thei daan a thuk sang ve ding. Ziangkim hi Pathian sunlawinak hrangah ka zuammi le ka tuahmi a si thei ringring aw. Colosian 3:23 “Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.”
2. A tu in Pathian hnatuan ka thok maw? Pathian in hmailam lawngah a hna tampi ka tuan ding a ti pawl a rinsan lo. A tu (FROM NOW) hrimhrim ah amah kha na thinlung, na thazaang,  le na ruahnak zate thawn na duhdawt ding hi a duh bikmi a si. Israel pawl ramcar lak ah kum 40 sung a retnak cu kum 400 sung Egypt sal sungah an taang ih Pathian an thei nawn lo. Curuangah, thluasuah a pek hlan Canaan ram an thlen hlah ah an thinlung, ruahnak le thazaang zatein, amah lam ih an hoi kirnak ding hrangah a hruaimi a si. Canaan ram an thlenhnu lawngah Amah duhdawt ding a duh lo. Pathian in thluasuah a pekmi pawl ih um daan cu, ramcar lak hrimhrim ah a thu a ngai ih amah a rinsantu Joshua le Caleb lawng Egypt ram in a suakmi lak ah Canaan ramnuam a thlen ter (Number 14:26-30).
3. Na tuahmi na duhdawt maw? Na tuahmi kha duhdawt aw. Himi na tuahmi in a ra lai dingmi ah na nunnak le midang nunnak ah a thlen ter dingmi pawl ruat ringring aw. Steve Job cun, hlawhtinnak ih hram cu maih hnatuannak duhdawt khi a si a ti. Na duhdawt lawngah a hrangah a tha bik in na tuah thei ding.
4. Nomnak ah na ruat maw? Na tuahmi kha harsatnak thilrit (suffering) tin ruat hlah, nomnak (fun) tin ruat aw la zuam zet in tuah aw. Jeremy Lin cun, basketball ka cinh tikah, nomnak (fun) in ka tuah ih harsa tin ka ruat lo.
5. Nehnak cu Pathian ta a si ti na thei maw? Ziangkim ka tuah tikah, ka tuahmi le ka thazang ih leengah, Pathian ih pekmi thazang a tumpi a um ringring ti thei aw. Cumi thawn ziangkim ka tuah thei ding ti thei aw (Phil 4:13). Asinan, Pathian ih cahnak a langh ter duhnak cu nangmah na si. Pathian ih kutcak lang thei ding in, na neihmi thazang le na ti thei tawk in tuan ve aw. Exodus 4:1-17 sungah, Moses in a neihmi kianghrol te a hmang ih Israel pawl Egypt ram in hruai suak ding in a pok. Asinan, cumi kianghrol kha rul ih a can tertu, tipisen a tan tertu, lungpi ti a suah ter tu, Amelekites ral pawl nehnak ah Pathian in thluasuah a pek ti kan hmu. Na neihmi kha hmang aw la, Pathian ih huham a lang mei ding.

Things Change: Changing Directions

But Jonah arose to flee to Tarshish from the presence of the LORD.

Jonah 1:3a

Recommended Reading Jonah 1:1-17

Nothing's more terrifying than seeing a car racing toward you going the wrong way on the freeway. At that moment, everyone's life is in danger. According to the most recent figures, over 1700 people die annually in America from crashes caused by drivers traveling the wrong way on a highway. Statistically, two-thirds of those wrong-way drivers were drunk. Others took the wrong ramp onto the highway. Maybe some were fleeing the police.

It's always dangerous to go the wrong way. It didn't work out very well for Jonah, and it won't work out for us. Is your life headed in the wrong direction? Has Satan gotten the better of your judgment? Do you need to make some changes?

Don't be like the man who said he was making a 360-degree change. Turn exactly 180 degrees. Repent of any and all entrapping sin. Rededicate yourself to Jesus Christ in body, mind, and soul. As Ezekiel 33:11b says: "Turn, turn from your evil ways! For why should you die, O house of Israel?"

Let the Lord help you get out of the wrong lane today.

Repentance is one of the most positive words in any language. It tells us we can change direction. It assures us God will help us improve.

Robert J. Morgan

Source: Dr. David Jeremiah, Today Turning Point. Wed 18, 2013. 

My Faith: What people talk about before they die

Editor's Note: Kerry Egan is a hospice chaplain in Massachusetts and the author of "Fumbling: A Pilgrimage Tale of Love, Grief, and Spiritual Renewal on the Camino de Santiago." By Kerry Egan, Special to CNN As a divinity school student, I had just started working as a student chaplain at a cancer hospital when my professor asked me about my work.  I was 26 years old and still learning what a chaplain did. "I talk to the patients," I told him. "You talk to patients?  And tell me, what do people who are sick and dying talk to the student chaplain about?" he asked. I had never considered the question before.  “Well,” I responded slowly, “Mostly we talk about their families.” “Do you talk about God? “Umm, not usually.” “Or their religion?” “Not so much.” “The meaning of their lives?” “Sometimes.” “And prayer?  Do you lead them in prayer?  Or ritual?” “Well,” I hesitated.  “Sometimes.  But not usually, not really.” I felt derision creeping into the professor's voice.  “So you just visit people and talk about their families?” “Well, they talk.  I mostly listen.” “Huh.”  He leaned back in his chair. A week later, in the middle of a lecture in this professor's packed class, he started to tell a story about a student he once met who was a chaplain intern at a hospital. “And I asked her, 'What exactly do you do as a chaplain?'  And she replied, 'Well, I talk to people about their families.'” He paused for effect. “And that was this student's understanding of  faith!  That was as deep as this person's spiritual life went!  Talking about other people's families!” The students laughed at the shallowness of the silly student.  The professor was on a roll. “And I thought to myself,” he continued, “that if I was ever sick in the hospital, if I was ever dying, that the last person I would ever want to see is some Harvard Divinity School student chaplain wanting to talk to me about my family.” My body went numb with shame.  At the time I thought that maybe, if I was a better chaplain, I would know how to talk to people about big spiritual questions.  Maybe if dying people met with a good, experienced chaplain they would talk about God, I thought. Today, 13 years later, I am a hospice chaplain.  I visit people who are dying – in their homes, in hospitals, in nursing homes.   And if you were to ask me the same question - What do people who are sick and dying talk about with the chaplain?  – I, without hesitation or uncertainty, would give you the same answer. Mostly, they talk about their families: about their mothers and fathers, their sons and daughters. They talk about the love they felt, and the love they gave.  Often they talk about love they did not receive, or the love they did not know how to offer, the love they withheld, or maybe never felt for the ones they should have loved unconditionally. They talk about how they learned what love is, and what it is not.    And sometimes, when they are actively dying, fluid gurgling in their throats, they reach their hands out to things I cannot see and they call out to their parents:  Mama, Daddy, Mother. What I did not understand when I was a student then, and what I would explain to that professor now, is that people talk to the chaplain about their families because that ishow we talk about God.  That is how we talk about the meaning of our lives.  That ishow we talk about the big spiritual questions of human existence. We don't live our lives in our heads, in theology and theories.  We live our lives in our families:  the families we are born into, the families we create, the families we make through the people we choose as friends. This is where we create our lives, this is where we find meaning, this is where our purpose becomes clear. Family is where we first experience love and where we first give it.  It's probably the first place we've been hurt by someone we love, and hopefully the place we learn that love can overcome even the most painful rejection. This crucible of love is where we start to ask those big spiritual questions, and ultimately where they end. I have seen such expressions of love:  A husband gently washing his wife's face with a cool washcloth, cupping the back of her bald head in his hand to get to the nape of her neck, because she is too weak to lift it from the pillow. A daughter spooning pudding into the mouth of her mother, a woman who has not recognized her for years. A wife arranging the pillow under the head of her husband's no-longer-breathing body as she helps the undertaker lift him onto the waiting stretcher. We don't learn the meaning of our lives by discussing it.  It's not to be found in books or lecture halls or even churches or synagogues or mosques.  It's discovered through these actions of love. If God is love, and we believe that to be true, then we learn about God when we learn about love. The first, and usually the last, classroom of love is the family. Sometimes that love is not only imperfect, it seems to be missing entirely.  Monstrous things can happen in families.  Too often, more often than I want to believe possible, patients tell me what it feels like when the person you love beats you or rapes you.  They tell me what it feels like to know that you are utterly unwanted by your parents.  They tell me what it feels like to be the target of someone's rage.   They tell me what it feels like to know that you abandoned your children, or that your drinking destroyed your family, or that you failed to care for those who needed you. Even in these cases, I am amazed at the strength of the human soul.  People who did not know love in their families know that they should have been loved.  They somehow know what was missing, and what they deserved as children and adults. When the love is imperfect, or a family is destructive, something else can be learned:  forgiveness.  The spiritual work of being human is learning how to love and how to forgive. We don’t have to use words of theology to talk about God; people who are close to death almost never do. We should learn from those who are dying that the best way to teach our children about God is by loving each other wholly and forgiving each other fully - just as each of us longs to be loved and forgiven by our mothers and fathers, sons and daughters. My response:  The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Kerry Egan. Ref: http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2012/01/28/my-faith-what-people-talk-about-before-they-die/comment-page-77/#comment-1030821